ChrisWeigant.com

Zombie Preparedness In Kansas

[ Posted Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014 – 16:48 UTC ]

Zombies are in the news again. Not actual zombies, but instead the growing governmental awareness that the citizenry needs to be prepared against any possible future zombie attack. And, no, I'm not kidding. It's the time of the season.

The more astute of readers will notice that the previous sentence is a line from a song... by the 1960s British rock band "The Zombies," no less. This was today's gratuitous pop culture reference; or, in other words: "I just couldn't stop myself." Ahem.

It's pretty easy to poke fun at spending taxpayer dollars for zombie preparedness plans. Which was my first inclination upon hearing that Kansas Governor Sam Brownback is about to sign a proclamation which declares October to be "Zombie Preparedness Month" in the state.

But I have to offer up a few words of praise, instead, before I help dig Brownback's grave. Twice previously I have poked fun at governmental efforts at zombie preparedness, once about the Centers For Disease Control and once about the Pentagon. In both cases, the news broke in May. On the C.D.C. plan, I wrote:

On a C.D.C. official blog, Ali S. Khan (Trekkies, you may insert your own "Wrath of Khan" joke here, if you must) wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about how to prepare for a zombie attack. Or, as he refers to it in the helpful "A Brief History of Zombies" section, the result of your neighbors all contracting "Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome."

A word here about timing is necessary, I think. While the blog post is quite obviously meant as a semi-joke, wouldn't this have been more fun in, say, mid-October -- a few weeks before Hallowe'en?

So, I have to now say, Brownback has indeed improved the timing -- October will be Zombie Preparedness Month, which is entirely fitting and perfectly appropriate (in more ways than one).

Of course, I can't really get too worked up over this sort of thing (in all seriousness), because while obviously highly amusing, the real agenda is an admirable one: to get people to think about disaster preparedness, which is usually an incredibly boring subject. At least, this is true in the case of Kansas -- the C.D.C. zombie warnings seem more like one incredibly bored government worker with access to an official blog and way too much time on his hands, and I must admit I have no idea what the Pentagon one ("CONOP 8888") is all about.

In Kansas, the zombie defense plan comes from the state's Division of Emergency Management. The theme is: "If you're prepared for zombies, you're prepared for anything." Which makes a lot of sense. An official spokesman expounded on the idea: "If you're equipped to handle the zombie apocalypse then you're prepared for tornadoes, severe storms, fire and any other natural disaster Kansas usually faces. This is a fun and low-stress way to get families involved." Which is all a good point -- it's a fun way to get people to do something that usually ranks up there on the excitement scale with watching paint dry. So more power to them, especially considering that Kansas is the sixth-most disaster-prone state in the country. It's always good to get people prepared before disaster strikes, after all.

In fact, I might even urge Kansans to take it all one step further, since they are in the midst of their own self-induced slow-motion economic disaster. When Governor Brownback took the helm of the state, he declared that Kansas would soon become a shining example (a "real live experiment," in his words) to the rest of the country of how to successfully run a state on bedrock conservative Republican principles. Taxes were quickly slashed, with rosy predictions of economic booms to soon come.

Instead, what happened was nothing short of disastrous. As the Washington Post editorial board helpfully explains: "Wall Street's bond rating agencies, taking note of plummeting tax revenue and a siphoning off of the state's reserves to cover current and projected deficits, have weighed in with their own verdict: Moody's cut Kansas's credit rating last spring, and Standard & Poor's followed suit last month." The state is facing billions in deficit spending because, once again, the trickle-down economic theory just doesn't work.

Brownback is now facing a tough re-election fight and is trailing his Democratic opponent. Things have gotten so bad that over a hundred current and former Kansas Republican officials have thrown their support behind the Democrat, in a "please save us from ourselves" desperation move. This is in a state, mind you, where every single statewide office is currently held by Republicans.

Blind faith in conservative economic dogma is what caused this disaster. Refusing to do real-world math, in other words. The Post explains further:

Other Republican-led states have embarked on tax-cutting programs. But few if any have done so without a fail-safe designed to protect essential state services, such as mechanisms that would abort tax cuts if revenue drops, or allow them only after revenue rises. In the special case of Texas, a combination of rising immigration rates and a robust oil and gas sector buffered the economy from the effects of tax cuts.

Kansas has no such innate advantages. To the contrary, non-partisan budget analysts for the state legislature project that without new sources of revenue or even deeper spending cuts, the state faces some $1.3 billion in deficits in the coming five years. That's a big hill to climb in a state whose budget for general expenses is $6.3 billion.

Compare this economic record to another one-party state: California. You can easily see the difference between Democratic and Republican economic theory, in practice, by comparing the two states. California was in such an enormous ditch a few years back that the state's deficits were larger than most states' entire budgets. Governor Jerry Brown raised taxes on the wealthy, and is now poised to become the F.D.R. of California (he is up for re-election and is expected to skate easily to an unprecedented fourth term as governor), as California's economy roars back.

Which brings us back to our theme: the difference between the living and the dead. In reality, the only "walking dead" in Kansas is what might be called the reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan's "voodoo economics." So here's hoping the state's voters think about zombies all throughout October, and then go to the ballot box in November and save Kansas from it's own imminent Republican economic apocalypse. By voting for the Democrat. That would be some real "disaster preparedness," wouldn't it?

-- Chris Weigant

 

Follow Chris on Twitter: @ChrisWeigant

 

23 Comments on “Zombie Preparedness In Kansas”

  1. [1] 
    Michale wrote:

    On a C.D.C. official blog, Ali S. Khan (Trekkies, you may insert your own "Wrath of Khan" joke here, if you must)

    "Kirk, my old friend.. Do you know the old Klingon proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold. It is very cold in space."

    Not a joke, but Khan Noonian Singh does not lend well to humor.. :D

    By voting for the Democrat. That would be some real "disaster preparedness," wouldn't it?

    One only has to look at the state of the Union to know how Democrats ARE a disaster...

    How ANYONE can point to the record of Dems and say they deserve to be in power is beyond me...

    I voted Dem.. Look what happened...

    Time to give the other guys a shot...

    Surely can't do worse...

    Michale

  2. [2] 
    John From Censornati wrote:

    I have two gratuitous pop culture references:

    1. The season premiere of The Walking Dead is in . . . October!!

    2. Matthew 27:52-53 - and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many and ate many others.

  3. [3] 
    Michale wrote:

    1. The season premiere of The Walking Dead is in . . . October!!

    AND the season premiere of likely the last season of SUPERNATURAL

    :D

    Michale

  4. [4] 
    John From Censornati wrote:

    Don't forget that Brownback has taken personal responsibility for blaming his Republican economic disaster on the black guy in the White House. Praise the lord.

  5. [5] 
    Michale wrote:

    And again with the race card..

    It's a good thing for Democrats that there IS a black guy in the White House..

    Else Democrats would actually have to, ya know, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for their frak ups...

    But why worry about taking any kind of responsibility when the Left has an endless supply of race cards...

    http://sjfm.us/temp/racecard.jpg

    Don't leave home without it... :^/

    Michale

  6. [6] 
    Michale wrote:

    JFC,

    Can you provide ANY factual evidence that supports the claim that ANY opposition against Obama and his policies are based on race??

    ANY factual evidence beyond secret handshakes and mystical code words????

    Anything???

    Jeeesh... Look who I am asking for facts... :^/

    Michale

  7. [7] 
    John From Censornati wrote:

    "we have to change course because our country is headed for national socialism." - Pat Roberts (R-VA)

    Haha. Poor Pat. Times are tough for dizzy, old geezers. Now he's babbling about Nazis like he's Pat Robertson or something. Gee, I wonder who Orman will caucus with after the GOP slimes him. Time to call in Nugent, Palin, and The Donald.

    Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Virginia any more.

  8. [8] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    John From Censornati -

    There's zombies in the Bible? Wow... who knew?

    I mean, I know there were giants, but zombies?

    -CW

  9. [9] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Michale -

    Dem record: California.

    GOP record: Kansas.

    Thought I made that clear, in the post. California's economy is booming, Kansas is having their credit rating cut. Look up some details, it'll amaze you...

    :-)

    -CW

  10. [10] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    John From Censornati [7] -

    Almost wrote about Roberts today. The temptation was mighty. Would've likely titled it: "Godwin's Law In Action."

    Heh.

    But two articles about Kansas politics back to back? I thought that'd be too much...

    -CW

  11. [11] 
    John From Censornati wrote:

    "Godwin's Law In Action."

    Haha. I'm sure it was just a harmless Nazi "joke", but he should consider apologizing anyway.

  12. [12] 
    John From Censornati wrote:

    "There's zombies in the Bible?"

    Well, God's son (who is really God or something) is a zombie, but most sane people do not even realize that the story includes a whole bunch of them. Needless to say, there are a lot of faithers in KS who, at a minimum, *say* that they believe every word of that story. Under the circumstances, why is it a stretch to think that they actually believe that some sort of zombie apocalypse is a possibility?

  13. [13] 
    Michale wrote:

    CW,

    Thought I made that clear, in the post. California's economy is booming, Kansas is having their credit rating cut. Look up some details, it'll amaze you...

    And if California or Kansas was the entire country, then you might have an apt comparison..

    Is Kansas or California at war with Islam?? Does California or Kansas have to provide military aid to Israel???

    When you try to compare a state economy to a national economy, you are comparing alligators and Eskimos...

    One only has to look at the reality of the here and now in the entire country to know that the Democrats way of governing a country simply does not work..

    One only has to ask Joe or Jane SixPack one simple question.

    "Is your life better under Democrats?"

    The vast majority of people who are apolitical will say, "HELL NO!!"

    In Foreign Affairs alone Obama and the Democrats have been abysmal, earning a spectacular 'F-'...

    Michale

  14. [14] 
    Michale wrote:

    Whoooaaaaa...

    Holder calls it quits...

    All I can say is "It's about time"...

    We need an Attorney General who is color blind and respects the law...

    Michale

  15. [15] 
    Michale wrote:

    Holy Crap!!!

    My son just emailed me from Alaska.. A 6.2 Earthquake in Anchorage....

  16. [16] 
    Michale wrote:

    Holder calls it quits...

    All I can say is "It's about time"...

    We need an Attorney General who is color blind and respects the law...

    Oh great.. Al Sharpton claims he is helping to pick the AG successor..

    JUST what we need.

    The biggest racist on the planet helping to pick a new racist to replace the old racist..

    What could go wrong??? {/sarcasm}

    Michale

  17. [17] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Michale -

    You're the one bringing up the national picture. I compared an apple (one state: Kansas) to another apple (one state: California), because the economic picture is so different under Dem and GOP leadership (both states have a one-party government, in essence).

    You can't compare the national government to a state, and even if you tried, there has only been two months (one of which Congress didn't work) where the country's been under "Democratic control" -- the rest of the time, the GOP has held veto power (41+ in Senate) or an entire house (GOP House), so at best you could ask "Is your life better under divided government?"

    I notice you are too frightened to accept the reality of the KS/CA comparison, since it so obviously conflicts with what you believe to be true. Facts are stubborn things, my friend. So I'm more than happy to talk about KS and CA, and I even remember you being willing to talk about CA's economy a few years back, before the Dems and Brown turned things around... and before the GOP and Brownback flushed the KS economy down the toilet for ideological reasons.

    -CW

  18. [18] 
    Michale wrote:

    You can't compare the national government to a state, and even if you tried,

    That's what I said.. :D

    Besides, California and Kansas are as different as night and day as far as people, economies, geography etc etc etc goes..

    You can't point to a Democrat government in California and say, "SEE!! It works!!!".

    I could point to Detroit and say, "See!! It sucks!!!" and then point to Texas and say, "SEE!! It works!!!"....

    I notice you are too frightened to accept the reality of the KS/CA comparison, since it so obviously conflicts with what you believe to be true. Facts are stubborn things, my friend. So I'm more than happy to talk about KS and CA, and I even remember you being willing to talk about CA's economy a few years back, before the Dems and Brown turned things around... and before the GOP and Brownback flushed the KS economy down the toilet for ideological reasons.

    Fine.. Compare California to Texas... :D

    Michale

  19. [19] 
    akadjian wrote:

    In other signs of the apocalypse from Kansas ...

    http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2014/09/25/3572385/kansas-budget-sex-toy-auction/

    The state is auctioning off sex toys to help close the Brownback budget gap.

    I think we'll see real zombies before we see tax cuts improving the economy.

    -David

  20. [20] 
    Michale wrote:

    I think we'll see real zombies before we see tax cuts improving the economy.

    Oh, we have already seen that...

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/charleskadlec/2012/07/16/the-dangerous-myth-about-the-bill-clinton-tax-increase/

    So, where are your zombies, exactly?? :D

    The problem here is you want to take one failed leader and apply that to the whole of the Republican Party..

    I mean honestly.. Do you want to see a failed economy caused by Democrats???

    Look at Detroit..

    Look at this country..

    Ya'all concentrate on the minuscule and want to apply it to the totality..

    California may be having a booming economy.. But businesses are leaving by the droves and their citizens are slowing dying of thirst...

    One 'Atta-boy' does not erase a million, "oh frak!!"s....

    Michale

  21. [21] 
    Michale wrote:

    Water rationing comes to California...

    http://www.sgvtribune.com/general-news/20140927/daily-water-allocation-could-be-the-next-california-drought-strategy

    CW,

    All partisan bickering aside....

    How bad is it???

    Michale

  22. [22] 
    Michale wrote:
  23. [23] 
    Michale wrote:

    Woops.. Sorry, that should have been on the current FTP commentary...

    Michale

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