(10) National emergency declared (for some reason or another), midterm elections cancelled. Attorney General Gonzales, backed by the Supreme Court, announces that all congressional elections are null and void, as the President as Unitary Executive (all praise His Name) will be dictating who will be allowed to serve in Congress, due to a Presidential signing statement that, unfortunately, you can't read (for reasons of national security, and the fact that we're at war, dammit); and due to the Omniscient Power of Our Fearless Leader George W. Bush -- long may His Holy Name be revered by the loving populace. Odds: too scary to compute
Archive of Articles for September, 2006
"On Planet Republican, the Iraq war is in its 'last throes'... meanwhile back on Earth, the insurgency is on the brink of full-scale civil war."
"Five years ago, on Planet Republican, George Bush said he'd get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'... but it took Democrats in Congress to bring him back to Earth and force him not to disband the CIA's Bin Laden unit."
How insane is it that this is an election issue? What kind of country have we become? Even Colin Powell is pointing out that we're now taking the moral low road. Have we all forgotten all those World War II movies with the guy in a dirty lab coat and a thick German accent saying "Ve haff vays of makink you talk..."?
There must be a final word of caution here. When playing sneaky politics, it's always a good idea to watch your back. Joe Lieberman has already proven twice that he puts his own personal ambition ahead of the interests of the party.
It's really a lose-lose situation for the Republicans all around, which is why it's the second most amusing race this year to watch (the prize belongs, of course, to the Katherine Harris circus down in Florida).
Since I was on vacation last week, I am happy to turn over this week's column to a Madison Avenue ad-man who must remain unidentified. He has chosen to remain anonymous (due to his Republican clientele), but he has written a powerful political blueprint that I believe deserves a wider audience.