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Archive of Articles in the "Humor" Category

Madison Cawthorn's Dark MAGA

[ Posted Thursday, May 19th, 2022 – 15:02 UTC ]

Representative Madison Cawthorn lost his primary race this week to a challenger who won mostly just by not being a human Dumpster fire. Someone who is actually sane, in other words. Anyone familiar with Cawthorn's single term in office breathed an immense sigh of relief when the results were announced, and we political wonks finally had a second answer to the question: "What does it take in today's Republican Party to become a complete outcast and pariah?" Or, more simply: "How far is too far to go?" Apparently the new answer to all that (the old answer being: "Obeying your constitutional oath," as Liz Cheney has admirably proven) is now: "Accusing your fellow Republicans of rampant cocaine use and hosting orgies." This is the new GOP standard -- it's fine to spout conspiracy theories and whip up White supremacy and anti-government violence, but for Heaven's sake don't say we're all coke-crazed sex maniacs or anything!

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Friday Talking Points -- History In The Making

[ Posted Friday, April 8th, 2022 – 16:36 UTC ]

History was made this week, as Ketanji Brown Jackson became the first Black woman ever confirmed to a seat on the Supreme Court. It's rare that such a milestone is reached, and it is unquestionably worth celebrating when it does finally happen. Especially since the first Black woman ever to become vice president was the one presiding over the Senate as it cast this historic vote.

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Friday Squawking Points

[ Posted Friday, April 1st, 2022 – 15:02 UTC ]

You'll have to forgive our brevity this week, but we have been invited to a cocaine-fuelled sex orgy by Washington persons we cannot name at the moment, so we've got to go get ready a little early this week.

Ahem.

Madison Cawthorn caused quite a stir among his fellow Republicans after telling an interviewer he had been invited to orgies by his fellow Republican politicians, and furthermore that he'd witnessed them doing "key bumps of cocaine" right in front of him. He got pushback from his peers because he so obviously broke the Republican Golden Rule -- you can say the craziest possible things about Democrats, but never about fellow Republicans!

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From The Archives -- Houses Of The Holy

[ Posted Thursday, March 17th, 2022 – 14:57 UTC ]

But back to Ireland. Whiskey -- like parades, colors, religion, and everything else on the island (carrots included) -- is political in nature here. For instance: I've never seen Bushmills served in the Republic of Ireland. Never. And I've personally been in many a pub, throughout the years. If you order whiskey at the bar in the Republic, it had better be Jameson. I assume the same is true in Northern Ireland, for Bushmills, as well. Yes, even after a long day when you retire to the pub, politics is never all that far away from Irish life. In other words: keep in mind which side of the border you're on when you order that shot at the bar!

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No Worries About The New Normal On The Banished Words List

[ Posted Monday, January 3rd, 2022 – 17:32 UTC ]

Yes, it is that time again, folks! The time when we check in with the learnèd word mavens of Lake Superior State University in Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan to see what they've put on their annual Banished Words List. So if you're ready to Gitche Gumee on (so to speak), let's all take a look at the overused phrases to be "banished" from the vernacular, shall we?

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From The Archives -- Politically Correct Season's Greetings

[ Posted Thursday, December 30th, 2021 – 17:40 UTC ]

So as it turns out, I did not actually have the energy to write any new columns this week, so please accept my apologies for slacking off. And I'm not going to post anything tomorrow at all, so this is it for 2021, folks.
I found this while looking for earlier columns to re-run this [...]

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From The Archives -- The Kringlebase Incident

[ Posted Wednesday, December 29th, 2021 – 17:44 UTC ]

We hereby interrupt our live coverage of Pope Francis leading Midnight Mass this Christmas Eve, because we've got some breaking news from the Pentagon. We apologize for pre-empting our traditional Christmas Eve programming, and promise we will continue our coverage after the newsbreak, on a slight time delay so our viewers won't miss a single minute of the Pope.

We take you now to our Pentagon correspondent, who is awaiting the start of this extraordinary and unprecedented Christmas Eve press conference...

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From The Archives -- How About A Saturnalia Display?

[ Posted Tuesday, December 28th, 2021 – 18:03 UTC ]

'Tis the season.

What season? Well, that depends upon your belief system, doesn't it?

For Christians, it is the season of Advent, the season of Noël; in short, the season of Christmas. For Jews, the season of Hanukkah. For Muslims, the season of Eid.

For others, joining in the mirth has now come to mean celebrating the season of Festivus, a made-up holiday from a made-up television show. And even the Flying Spaghetti Monster adherents are getting in on the fun this year.

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From The Archives -- The Biggest Conspiracy Of All

[ Posted Monday, December 27th, 2021 – 17:47 UTC ]

Speaking as someone who generally enjoys a good conspiracy theory just for the "creative writing" aspect alone, in all good conscience I simply must report this shocking news: I have uncovered a big, fat conspiracy that is no mere theory. We're either being lied to, or we're joining in the propagation of the lie ourselves, with merriment. In actual fact, it would not be hyperbole to call this the father of all conspiracies.

And almost every single one of us has participated in this gigantic hoax, in one form or another, at least once in our lives. For many, it happens like clockwork on a regular basis. And it seems to prove Hitler's point about the "Big Lie" -- if you repeat it often enough, sooner or later a certain segment of the populace will accept it as being true.

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My 2021 "McLaughlin Awards" [Part 2]

[ Posted Thursday, December 23rd, 2021 – 19:12 UTC ]

Welcome back to the second part of our year-end awards column! If you missed it, please feel free to check out [Part 1], too.

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