Archive of Articles in the "Humor" Category

"We Can Work With That...."

[ Posted Thursday, October 6th, 2022 – 14:19 UTC ]

[The scene: A room deep within the Republican Party headquarters. Applicants are being screened as possible future candidates for office. There is a panel of GOP bigwigs behind a table, as the door opens and a rather large creature with reddish skin enters and takes a seat facing the panel.]

Read Complete Article »

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda... Gonna?

[ Posted Monday, October 3rd, 2022 – 15:41 UTC ]

The Supreme Court began its new term today, Donald Trump just said publicly that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell "has a DEATH WISH," and President Joe Biden is touring Puerto Rico to see the damage caused by Hurricane Fiona (where he will not insultingly toss paper towel rolls at devastated Americans, one assumes). But I'm going to set all that aside for the moment and devote a column to grammar.

Read Complete Article »

A Capitol Idea, Writ In Stone

[ Posted Thursday, August 25th, 2022 – 14:36 UTC ]

This year's traditional "Silly Season" in politics has been, for the most part, decidedly unsilly. First there was a burst of legislative action, followed by a few bursts of executive action, and the midterm election primaries have been a lot more interesting than usual this August. Plus, there's the Trump Circus, which always seems to be in town. All of this has added up to me not being able to write any fun Silly Season articles. Until now, that is. You have been warned.

Read Complete Article »

Madison Cawthorn's Dark MAGA

[ Posted Thursday, May 19th, 2022 – 15:02 UTC ]

Representative Madison Cawthorn lost his primary race this week to a challenger who won mostly just by not being a human Dumpster fire. Someone who is actually sane, in other words. Anyone familiar with Cawthorn's single term in office breathed an immense sigh of relief when the results were announced, and we political wonks finally had a second answer to the question: "What does it take in today's Republican Party to become a complete outcast and pariah?" Or, more simply: "How far is too far to go?" Apparently the new answer to all that (the old answer being: "Obeying your constitutional oath," as Liz Cheney has admirably proven) is now: "Accusing your fellow Republicans of rampant cocaine use and hosting orgies." This is the new GOP standard -- it's fine to spout conspiracy theories and whip up White supremacy and anti-government violence, but for Heaven's sake don't say we're all coke-crazed sex maniacs or anything!

Read Complete Article »

Friday Talking Points -- History In The Making

[ Posted Friday, April 8th, 2022 – 16:36 UTC ]

History was made this week, as Ketanji Brown Jackson became the first Black woman ever confirmed to a seat on the Supreme Court. It's rare that such a milestone is reached, and it is unquestionably worth celebrating when it does finally happen. Especially since the first Black woman ever to become vice president was the one presiding over the Senate as it cast this historic vote.

Read Complete Article »

Friday Squawking Points

[ Posted Friday, April 1st, 2022 – 15:02 UTC ]

You'll have to forgive our brevity this week, but we have been invited to a cocaine-fuelled sex orgy by Washington persons we cannot name at the moment, so we've got to go get ready a little early this week.


Madison Cawthorn caused quite a stir among his fellow Republicans after telling an interviewer he had been invited to orgies by his fellow Republican politicians, and furthermore that he'd witnessed them doing "key bumps of cocaine" right in front of him. He got pushback from his peers because he so obviously broke the Republican Golden Rule -- you can say the craziest possible things about Democrats, but never about fellow Republicans!

Read Complete Article »

From The Archives -- Houses Of The Holy

[ Posted Thursday, March 17th, 2022 – 14:57 UTC ]

But back to Ireland. Whiskey -- like parades, colors, religion, and everything else on the island (carrots included) -- is political in nature here. For instance: I've never seen Bushmills served in the Republic of Ireland. Never. And I've personally been in many a pub, throughout the years. If you order whiskey at the bar in the Republic, it had better be Jameson. I assume the same is true in Northern Ireland, for Bushmills, as well. Yes, even after a long day when you retire to the pub, politics is never all that far away from Irish life. In other words: keep in mind which side of the border you're on when you order that shot at the bar!

Read Complete Article »

No Worries About The New Normal On The Banished Words List

[ Posted Monday, January 3rd, 2022 – 17:32 UTC ]

Yes, it is that time again, folks! The time when we check in with the learnèd word mavens of Lake Superior State University in Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan to see what they've put on their annual Banished Words List. So if you're ready to Gitche Gumee on (so to speak), let's all take a look at the overused phrases to be "banished" from the vernacular, shall we?

Read Complete Article »

From The Archives -- Politically Correct Season's Greetings

[ Posted Thursday, December 30th, 2021 – 17:40 UTC ]

So as it turns out, I did not actually have the energy to write any new columns this week, so please accept my apologies for slacking off. And I'm not going to post anything tomorrow at all, so this is it for 2021, folks.
I found this while looking for earlier columns to re-run this [...]

Read Complete Article »

From The Archives -- The Kringlebase Incident

[ Posted Wednesday, December 29th, 2021 – 17:44 UTC ]

We hereby interrupt our live coverage of Pope Francis leading Midnight Mass this Christmas Eve, because we've got some breaking news from the Pentagon. We apologize for pre-empting our traditional Christmas Eve programming, and promise we will continue our coverage after the newsbreak, on a slight time delay so our viewers won't miss a single minute of the Pope.

We take you now to our Pentagon correspondent, who is awaiting the start of this extraordinary and unprecedented Christmas Eve press conference...

Read Complete Article »