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Our heroine, Libby R. Terryan, wakes up to a bright new beautiful world in which citizens and businesses are free to act without governmental restraint upon their deeply-held religious beliefs. Libby breathes in this sweet air of freedom as she gets ready for work. Because of all this intoxicating freedom, Libby finds herself running a bit late.
President Obama just released a statement from the White House to mourn the passing of comedy genius Harold Ramis. It reads:
Happy Presidents' Day to all!
In short, if I had the time, money, and energy to propose a statehouse monument somewhere (where a Ten Commandments display already exists), what I would propose is a honkin' big statue to honor the god of Venus. Create a "Temple of Venus" group and sue to erect a gigantic statue of a beautiful nude female, arising from the waves! Hey, I warned you this was going to be an immodest proposal, right up front.
It's that time of year again -- time to check the Lake Superior State University's annual list of "banished words." Or, perhaps, a "back to twerk" column.
Welcome back to our annual year-end awards column!
We hereby interrupt our live coverage of Pope Francis leading Midnight Mass this Christmas Eve, because we've got some breaking news from the Pentagon. We apologize for pre-empting our traditional Christmas Eve programming, and promise we will continue our coverage after the newsbreak, on a slight time delay so our viewers won't miss a single minute of the Pope.
For others, joining in the mirth has now come to mean celebrating the season of Festivus, a made-up holiday from a made-up television show. And even the Flying Spaghetti Monster adherents are getting in on the fun this year.
So sit back, break into the bags of candy a night early, turn down all the lights and fire up the pumpkins, because we've got the short and long of both Democratic and Republican nightmares for your terrified pleasure. Enjoy!
It's that time of year again, so gather 'round, kiddies, for our spine-tingling and bone-chilling tales of political horror!