Disney, in the end, did the right thing. That's the big news today. And it is a clear victory for free speech.

Last week, Disney abruptly yanked Jimmy Kimmel's late-night show off the airwaves, after being pressured to do so (for purely political reasons) by the head of the Federal Communications Commission. Today, Disney apparently saw the error of their ways and announced that Kimmel will return tomorrow night.

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[Program Note: Once again, we are pre-empting the entire format of this column due to the seriousness of the situation America now finds itself in. Most weeks, we strive to rise above the firehose of distractions from Donald Trump and his administration, to focus instead on things which truly matter -- which, this week, include Trump once again rolling over for Vladimir Putin while he invades another NATO country's airspace, as well as Trump blowing up boats in international waters just because he feels like it. But this week the distraction truly was what really mattered. Because this week we had a direct assault on the freedom of speech and the freedom of the press in a way not seen since Joe McCarthy trod the halls of the U.S. Capitol. So we had to write an extended rant instead of our usual column, just to warn everyone in advance.]

Our subtitle this week is meant to honor the passing of Rick Davies, one of the founding members of the musical group Supertramp, who passed away less than two weeks ago. In one of their biggest hits ("The Logical Song"), one lyric seems to sum up where we now stand as a nation:

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[Donald Trump today, while speaking on an unrelated subject:]

You know, I'm going to see Putin. I'm going to Russia on Friday.

[Friday, dateline Alaska. Donald Trump emerges from his meeting with Russia's Vladimir Putin and takes the podium:]

I am pleased to announce that President Putin and I have made a deal. Part of it covers Ukraine, which I will get to in a little bit. But here's the big news -- I have agreed to sell back to Russia all of the state of Alaska above the Arctic Circle. Not a lot of people know this, but Russia actually owned all of Alaska a while ago. That's right! The land we're standing on right now was actually part of Russia -- who knew?

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Happy Second of July, everyone! Happy Independence Day!

Now, you may be thinking: "Has Chris gone bonkers? Why is he jumping the gun, two days early?" The answers to these important queries are: No, Chris has not gone any more bonkers than usual; and, in fact, the rest of you are celebrating a fictitious event on a fictitious anniversary date. So there.

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It is rare enough, these days, to find a story that everyone should be able to agree with and support, especially when it comes to federal court decisions and constitutional law. But today we actually have one, so we're going to ignore the frenzy of wheeling and dealing currently happening within the Republican Party over their Medicaid-gutting new budget bill and instead focus on a story it's almost impossible not to smile about.

The facts of the case come from a small town, where for some reason the town's "municipal code enforcement officer" decided to become an art critic, as it were. The town -- Conway, New Hampshire -- which assumably is run by either petty tyrants or just garden-variety curmudgeons, demanded a local business remove a bright and cheerful mural that had just been painted by local high school students. The business fought back, and a judge just agreed with the owner and told the town to knock it off and chill out (I am paraphrasing the legal language used, I admit...).

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Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!

First, let's just quickly check the weather report from the Emerald Isle, shall we?

(Heh.)

But surprisingly enough, the country that caught my eye this particular Paddy's Day wasn't Ye Ould Sod, but instead our neighbor to the north. And it wasn't the fine stout product from Sir Arthur Guinness that intrigued my beer-loving sensibilities this year, but instead... Moosehead?

That's right. Moosehead beer (lager, actually, if you want to be pedantic). From Canada.

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In this frozen season of the year, we look (as always) to the ice-festooned shores of Lake Superior, for the annual List Of Banished Words. The good folks at Lake Superior State University provide this annual list as a tongue-in-cheek effort to get people to stop using words and expressions that have jumped the shark to the point of now being just downright annoying (case in point: "jumped the shark").

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Speaking as someone who generally enjoys a good conspiracy theory just for the "creative writing" aspect alone, in all good conscience I simply must report this shocking news: I have uncovered a big, fat conspiracy that is no mere theory. We're either being lied to, or we're joining in the propagation of the lie ourselves, with merriment. In actual fact, it would not be hyperbole to call this the father of all conspiracies.

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We hereby interrupt our live coverage of Pope Francis leading Midnight Mass this Christmas Eve, because we've got some breaking news from the Pentagon. We apologize for pre-empting our traditional Christmas Eve programming, and promise we will continue our coverage after the newsbreak, on a slight time delay so our viewers won't miss a single minute of the Pope.

We take you now to our Pentagon correspondent, who is awaiting the start of this extraordinary and unprecedented Christmas Eve press conference...

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When is Christmas? And why?

These are questions guaranteed to get you funny looks when you pop them, especially in a gathering of wassail-soaked relatives. But if you're tired of hearing the seemingly-eternal "this is what Uncle Fred did when he was twelve" stories, and you're leery of bringing up politics with your kin from Outer Podunk, then it's at least a conversation-starter that's somewhat neutral. Plus, you can reaffirm your nearest-and-dearests' image of you as a latte-sipping fruitcake who moved away from the glory of the heartland and now lives on (say it with an embarrassed whisper) the coast.

OK, I should stop editorializing here. After all, the subject at hand is Christmas.

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