As a public service, today I am running a full transcript of Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show on CBS, from last night, 9/10/08.

I tuned in to David Letterman last night to see Barack Obama's interview, and happened to catch Ferguson as he went on an absolute rant worthy of the name. I was pretty happy watching the Obama interview, but this just stunned me. Craig Ferguson is a comedian who usually plays a cheerful idiot on his show, and this isn't the usual fare for him. But he nailed it.

I looked for a full transcription of his remarks but could not find them anywhere online today, so I decided to post my own. You can watch both these segments from Aaron Barnhart's blog, as he's got the YouTube segments posted together (he also has an edited transcript, but it cuts a lot out).

So without further ado, here is Craig Ferguson (a recently naturalized American citizen), from last night's show:

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Barack Obama has been getting lots of advice recently about what to do out on the campaign trail. Since it seems to be "Give Obama Advice Week," I'd like to offer up a campaign ad script.

Part of the problem Obama's been having since Sarah Palin appeared is that he's been playing defense ever since. He needs to go back on the offense on McCain, and drive the news cycle instead of just reacting to it.

There's a simple way to do this. It's actually Politics 101. Since John McCain has been in Congress for decades, he has a voting record just chock full of issues that can be easily made into campaign ads. McCain's record is a goldmine of political stances that average American voters would not agree with.

There are dozens of opportunities to do this, and all it would take would be a few hours of fact-checking to come up with some hard-hitting ads. How about "John McCain voted for earmarks 50 times while in the Senate." Or "John McCain voted against a minimum wage increase 19 times in Congress." Or how about "John McCain says he's for alternative energy now. Why should we believe him? He has voted against alternative energy 99% of the time in the Senate." Or: "John McCain was against honoring Martin Luther King, Jr. with a federal holiday."

Now, I fully admit that I made up those numbers, since I didn't have time to research them all. But there are all kinds of ways to attack John McCain's voting record, and so far I haven't heard Barack Obama even mention it. It's time to fight fire with fire -- point out McCain's most embarassing votes, and paint him as an extremist or a party hack while doing so. Also paint him as anti-middle-class.

This stuff really isn't rocket science, folks.

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America handed over control of the Iraqi province of Al-Anbar to the Iraqi military yesterday. Although they had to postpone this handover for two months due to (depending on who you believe) concerns about a dust storm, or an uptick in suicide bombings, the handover is now complete. But while President Bush hailed this as a success story in his usual blustery language ("Today, Anbar is no longer lost to al-Qaeda -- it is al-Qaeda that lost Anbar"), the outcome is far from being so clear. And there are disturbing signs that point to this "success story" being undermined by the government of Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki.

Anbar is the province that gave birth to what have been variously described as the "Anbar Awakening," the "Sunni Awakening," the "Sons of Iraq," or the "Awakening Councils." These were Sunni groups who were tired of Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia (also called AQI, for "Al-Qaeda in Iraq") sowing so much destruction. The foot soldiers of the insurgency basically switched sides, and threw in their lot with the United States. America, in a spirit of forgiveness, started paying these soldiers $300 a month to stop attacking Iraqi and American forces, and instead hunt down AQI and drive it from the province. They succeeded in doing so, and so America kept paying them for providing security for the region.

But all that is about to end. Come October 1, the Maliki government in Iraq is supposed to take over paying these 100,000 Awakening troops. And then he's supposed to absorb around 20 percent of them into the Iraqi security forces, and give the remainder other civil service jobs.

This where the doubt begins.

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Iraq's Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki seems to have the upper hand in the ongoing negotiations with the Bush administration. The talks continue, in an attempt to hammer out an agreement for U.S. troops to operate in Iraq after the United Nations framework expires at the end of this year. Upon reflection, it's easy to see why Maliki is getting stronger in this diplomatic tug-of-war, and Bush is getting weaker -- because the clock is running out on Bush, and because Bush's domestic popularity continues to fall while Maliki is using the international media to boost his own popularity with the voters in Iraq.

A quick review of how Bush and Maliki got to where they currently are is necessary to understand the dynamics of the diplomatic game of "chicken" they are playing. Last year, Maliki and Bush announced that they were going to enter negotiations for two agreements (for simplicity's sake, these are jointly referred to here as a "Status Of Forces Agreement" or "SOFA") which would create a legal framework for U.S. forces to remain in Iraq after the U.N. mandate expires at the end of 2008. Both sides agreed that they wanted a bilateral agreement to move beyond that point, and that continuing the U.N. status quo wasn't the best way to go.

Bush, at this time, asserted that he didn't need the Senate to vote on such an agreement, since (by his definition) it isn't a "treaty." Democrats in the Senate don't exactly agree with this assessment, but that is a side issue here. The draft SOFA was supposed to be finalized by the end of July, which would give the Iraqi Parliament time enough to debate and approve it by the end of this year.

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Sarah Palin has already singlehandedly introduced several terms into our political lexicon. "Hockey mom" is probably the most recognizable of these. "Troopergate" will become more and more known in the next few weeks. But today, I would like to personally add to this growing body of terms the Alaskan governor has spawned:

Moose poop.

The Republicans, in their "meet Sarah Palin" video, have helpfully provided the image to go along with this new term:

This image, it should be noted, has not been altered in any way, shape, or form.

So before we begin, let's define our new term:

moose poop (n.) -- (1) Synonym for "bullshit," esp. when used to describe falsehoods coming out of Sarah Palin's mouth, or indeed any Republican in the 2008 election. (2) Genteel term for the scat or feces of alces alces (North American moose). See also: moose shit. Usage: (1) I see Sarah Palin's spouting the same old moose poop. (2) Watch your step, there's some moose poop on the trail here.

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So, after our new marathon-style two weeks of conventions, you'll forgive me if I'm a little exhausted from the whole thing. I promise, postings here will return to our normal schedule next week, instead of jotting things down whenever I pry myself from the television set.

After witnessing John McCain's acceptance speech tonight, the last event in the Republican Convention, I have to wonder: that was it? Wow.

I mean, McCain gave a good speech. It was a fine speech, for McCain. Even if he did appear in front of the lime green background for the first part of it. Even if it was interrupted a few times by protestors. And even though he's a Republican, and I disagree with almost everything that comes out of his mouth. For McCain, not known for his TelePrompTer acuity, it was actually a pretty well-delivered speech.

But, seriously, that was it?

Barack Obama should immediately start hammering McCain for not addressing the needs of the middle class once in their entire convention. "McCain just doesn't get it" should become a rallying cry for Obama and Biden from now on.

Because McCain obviously doesn't get it.

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"Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf...."
-- Marge Gunderson (Francis McDormand), from Fargo

I open today with that Fargo quote for many reasons. The first of which, it's funny. As a matter of fact, it's so funny I think I'll make it the title of this piece, as well. The second of which, I think Fargo DVDs are going to be selling like hotcakes after Sarah Palin's speech tonight. Because, thirdly, this would be the perfect quote for Palin to use. Sarah Palin (I really hope Republican speechwriters aren't reading this) has a very similar accent to Margie in Fargo, and references are inevitably going to be made... so she could get out in front of it, and indeed turn such references to her advantage.

Of course, if Sarah Palin did use this quote, it would be to illustrate her feelings towards the media. And there isn't a doubt in my mind that the Republican crowd would eat it up like Minnesota pasties.

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This is going to be a disjointed column today, since political events are flying so fast and thick.

To begin with, it would have been nice in all the overwhelming hurricane coverage, and McCain coverage, and Bush coverage, and hurricane coverage, and Katrina coverage repeats, and more hurricane coverage from the television network news to have pointed out exactly where Bush and McCain were when Katrina hit three years ago. Journalists are supposed to take disparate storylines and tie them together, and this one is already tied up in a nice bow, just waiting for them to use on television. There's even a photo, direct from the White House website:

Can some news show please run this photo? This is not rocket science, folks.

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[Note: I'm not going to get into the Palin baby story, as I personally am waiting to see how it plays out. So if you're looking for that sort of thing, don't bother reading any further.]

Before I get to Sarah Palin, I just have to point something out here first. John McCain is trying to score points off his party's restraint in postponing and toning down their convention out of deference to Hurricane Gustav, but there's a big fat steaming dose of hypocrisy here that the mainstream media is refusing to point out. Here's John McCain last Sunday on Fox News -- "it wouldn't be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near tragedy or a terrible challenge is presented in the form of a natural disaster." Chris Wallace asked him about the convention again, and mentioned Katrina. McCain again responded: "I think, again, we don't want to appear in any way festive when you have that kind of tragedy possibly revisiting itself on the city of New Orleans and areas around it."

Now, from the White House website itself, the picture worth 10,000 words which puts this entire "we feel your pain" lie to the ultimate test. Here are George W. Bush and John McCain -- on the exact same day Katrina hit New Orleans -- celebrating what looks to me like the "festive occasion" of John McCain's birthday. Again, this was the day that Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans.

Please, someone in the mainstream media, please point this out. It's called "journalism."

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I know that just about the entire blogosphere is talking about John McCain's pick of Sarah Palin (who?) for his running mate, but I, for one, refuse to let John McCain distract me from writing about Barack Obama's acceptance speech last night, given to a cheering throng of 84,000 in Denver's football stadium (I refuse to use corporate names for stadiums... stadia?... until they start paying me directly for doing so... hmmph).

Obama gave one humdinger of a speech. I fully expected him to, as everyone (even his opponents) acknowledges that this is his strongest point. So a humdinger of a speech was exactly what I expected, and Obama certainly delivered one.

What I did not expect, and what personally blew me away, was that this was one of the best speeches I've ever heard any Democrat give, because it shows that someone in the party has finally -- finally! -- learned from some typical (and chronic) Democratic mistakes from times past.

In other words, Obama showed with this speech that he does indeed "get it."

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