My Final Column

[ Posted Thursday, April 1st, 2010 – 16:18 UTC ]

I apologize for the abrupt nature of this announcement, but today's article will be my last public column as a blogger. But, dear reader, do not despair, because I will be moving up to bigger and better things.

As of tomorrow, instead of writing the weekly offering of whimsical (some might say foolish) talking points for Democrats to consider when being interviewed by the media, I will instead be paid by the Democratic National Committee to write up this list for private distribution among all Democratic officeholders, as the official Democratic Talking Points Of The Week.

That's right -- they bought me out, because they loved the column so much (and also, I suspect, because they know that it'd be better for Democrats to get the list privately and officially, and -- importantly -- out of the public eye). I did fight, in the contract negotiations, for the right to continue (privately, of course) handing out the Most Impressive Democrat Of The Week and the Most Disappointing Democrats Of The Week awards, but sadly I will have to include a member of the D.N.C. on the Awards Committee, and will (to keep the committee membership odd, thus avoiding ties) have to drop my cat as the official Decider Of Tie Votes.

I do have to give credit where credit is due, though. I would never have made this leap without the influence of one of California's senators, Barbara Boxer, who was quoted just last week by Rob Kall over at the Huffington Post on this very subject:

Recently, [the article's author] told Barbara Boxer the members of the senate [sic] needed to work on better word framing on the issues they were advocating. She replied that she was depending on the progressive media to help.

This innocent query by Kall led, with blinding speed, to the D.N.C. realizing how intelligent and stunningly obvious Senator Boxer's idea was. And when they looked around the progressive blogosphere, they soon found that such framing advice was being liberally (pun intended) offered up every week here. Which lead immediately to contract negotiations, which (I have to quite immodestly admit) were pretty one-sided, since they were so desperate to retain my services.

For instance, I also managed to get them to agree that I could more than adequately do the job from out here on the West Coast, rather than be subjected to living in Washington, with all the hellacious weather that requires (see: February, August). Instead, the D.N.C. has promised they will all get up three hours later, and work later into the evenings, to accommodate the Pacific Time Zone nature of my work.

I will of course, be lavishly compensated for this work, but (sadly) I had to agree to stop my public blogging, as the very thoughts in my head will now be the legal property of the Democratic National Party. I consider this a tradeoff worth making, because I will acquire, in exchange, the ability to beam my thoughts directly into certain Democrats' heads. Some pundits may brag about their access to certain White House advisors and leaders of Congress, but now I will have these people on direct mental linkup (on Pacific Time, of course). I will, however, be denied access to President Obama's brain itself, for national security reasons. Probably a good thing, as I'm sure many would agree (detractors and supports alike).

But this means that today will be the last calendar date that new columns will be appearing on,,, and under my name over at I fought hard to be able to continue my monthly poll analysis, but even the Obama Poll Watch columns will sadly have to cease.

So, dear readers, I sincerely thank you all for your support over the past few years of blogging, as you have made it all worthwhile, and in return I certainly have tried to never deceive you in any way in what I have written, right up until today. I've tried to live up to my self-imposed brand of "reality-based political commentary," and will now be providing this service where it can do the most good. To read more of my writing, other than the odd web or television ad I script for general release by the D.N.C., I'm afraid you'll just have to get elected to office as a Democrat.

'Tis a far, far better place I go to, and a far, far fatter paycheck, so do not grieve for me in any way on this auspicious date. Thanks, once again, for all the wonderful support you've given over the years, and let us end by saying (as the French are wont to do) not "adieu" (or, "goodbye"), but, rather, the more poetical traditional French phrase:

Poisson d'Avril!

[End Note: if you are a true supporter of mine, you simply must click on the above last-ever link, as a tribute to the final column ever to appear on this website.]


-- Chris Weigant

Follow Chris on Twitter: @ChrisWeigant


28 Comments on “My Final Column”

  1. [1] 
    davidhorton wrote:

    Ah Chris, trouble is it would be so nice if it were true (Rather like the Guardian's fake billboard for Gordon Brown - "Step outside posh boy. Vote Labour or else").

    Although even you would have trouble with "better word framing" on offshore drilling.

  2. [2] 
    fstanley wrote:

    I think there is a picture of a fish stuck to my back!
    Thanks for the chuckle :-)


  3. [3] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    davidhorton -

    Welcome to the site!

    and Stan -

    "were true"? "chuckle"?

    But... but... as I clearly stated:

    I certainly have tried to never deceive you in any way in what I have written, right up until today.

    Right up until today! So there!

    Heh. :-)


  4. [4] 
    Herm71 wrote:

    Yeah, I got about half-way through your first paragraph before I remembered the date. Nice try. (not that you're not worthy of "officially" giving the Dems a hand...) Piece(s)

  5. [5] 
    Osborne Ink wrote:

    Chris, the problem with this joke is that it's entirely too plausible. As I read about your new job, I thought: "what took the DNC so damn long?!" and then: "gosh, I hope he's still coming to Netroots Nation..."

    How I would miss you if this story was true!

  6. [6] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Herm71 -

    I thought I'd stick the word "foolish" in the second paragraph there, just to raise a red flag, as it were...



  7. [7] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Osborne -

    Don't worry, wouldn't miss it for the world!


  8. [8] 
    Elizabeth Miller wrote:

    Oh, man ... I mean, geez ... talk about that horrible sinking feeling ...

    You got me! You got me GOOD!

    Don't ever do that again!


    Now, excuse me while I catch my breath ...

  9. [9] 
    nypoet22 wrote:

    you totally had me!

  10. [10] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Elizabeth -

    Don't worry. With an act like this, as that learnéd philosopher, Daffy Duck, so memorably said...

    "I can only do it once."

    Heh. :-)

    (I couldn't find the whole script, anyone knows where a script of "Show Biz Bugs" exists, let me know.)


  11. [11] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    nypoet22 -

    "...on this auspicious date..."




  12. [12] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:


    Comment numbers!

    Let me know how they look on your various browsers. Unfortunately, it will have to wait until the weekend, if they are causing problems. My programming environment just killed my site file as it crashed (the code's OK, just the environment file... this is way too much information, isn't it?), so it'll be until the weekend until I can make changes again. It crashed in a fairly convenient spot, though, where I had just (kind of) finished the comment numbers. So, if it looks a little cruddy, bear with me for a few days -- and if you think it looks good, too -- let me know either way.

    The purpose of the numbers is a kind of poor-man's substitute for true threaded comments. If you want to respond to someone's previous comment, now you can do so by number (that's the idea). Again, let me know what you think.


  13. [13] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Herm71 -

    You know, it occurs to me to ask....

    You aren't one of my Twitter followers, by any possible chance, in other words, those who get instant notice whenever I post a new article (this diversion is a naked and shameless plug, I have to admit, for those of you who are on the brink of jumping into the Twitter revolution {but are yet undecided}, in a cheap attempt to grow the Chris Weigant Twit Army {as I have decided just this second to call them} -- and whose name borrows much, 'tis true, from Craig Ferguson {Twitter: @CraigyFerg} and his Robot Skeleton Army -- BUT {where was I?}, as I always quickly quote {little bit of alliteration to impress the ultra-literate, there, thanks for noticing} when trapped in just such a situation: "Immature humorists borrow, mature humorists steal"; which, as everyone knows, was attributed to Mark Twain { Samuel Clemens, of course}, although, admittedly, nobody alive today knows if he actually ever uttered the thought [such is the nature of time], but I do try to attribute these things where possible lest I be accused of plaigarism {and we wouldn't want that, it goes without saying} -- so, to conclude and get back on track here, everyone should sign up as a Twitter follower of mine {Twitter: @ChrisWeigant}, although I must admit that the only Twitting I perform {or promise ever to perform} is to post notice of new essays presented here at, and you can always be automatically notified of those if you click the "RSS" thingie up in the menu -- assuming of course, that you have figured out how to set up the whole RSS feed automagical situation on your computer, but for those not up on the RSS scheme and who are more modern and up-to-the-hip-minute in their computering, I seriously do invite you all to partake of the wonderfulness that we all can agree comes from following me on Twitter), and who got advance warning that today's column could possibly have something to do with the calendar (for all non-Twits, I posted today's notice {I refuse, on general principles, to call it a "Tweet", personally... more on this subject in a moment, I promise...} as: "New column up (note date) -- -- 'My Final Column' #p2" which stuck right in middle of it there has the parenthetical phrase "note date" -- a heavy clue, one must admit, to what would follow linking on the tinyurl link which took you to this very article -- and, in case the non-hip are wondering, that "#p2" bit at the end there signifies this bit of Twitter wisdom was broadcast to the Progressive Twitter community {it is Twitter shorthand for "Progressives 2.0" for those really interested} -- but, to return to our main and current parenthetical thought -- you have to at least admit that I did give the Chris Weigant Twit Army a big rub-your-face-in-it clue, on the grounds that I'm fairly new to Twitter and this particular audience {gotta drive those "eyeballs" to the main site, dontchaknow}, and didn't want to freak any new readers out with the title of today's article itself, which could indeed have led to neophytes in the universe superficially reading this column's title and jumping to the "well, screw him, he's done" errant conclusion, and thus be tempted to "unfollow" me [I'm not sure that's the correct Twitter term, as I am constrained by the fact that I'm new to it all as well as my serious distaste for the overly-saccharine Twitter terminology {I refuse, once again, to reinforce my earlier comment, to even call them "Tweets" due to this deep personal revulsion at such infantile terminology}, but the term should be clear enough for anyone who knows what "to follow" means, I am supposing], which led me to reluctantly give the Chris Weigant Twit Army {fickle though they may be} any indication that following me in the first place was a stupid idea, but then I have digressed into what Twitter followers would think when this parenthetical thought was originally addressed to non-Twits, so I'll just gracefully end it here), because, really, if you're going to write something like "I got about half-way through your first paragraph before I remembered the date. Nice try." then you really should include some sort of Full Disclosure statement like "After being warned by getting your Tweet [Editorial Note: that was typed with a shudder, I assure everyone] which included the phrase '(note date)'..." don't you think?

    Heh. The moral of this story is: As I am able to type a single sentence like the one above, I sneer at 140-character limits. It is to laugh, no?



  14. [14] 
    Michale wrote:

    I knew it had to be a joke right off the bat..

    No Democratic Party leader could EVER show the good and common sense necessary to make such a completely and utterly "RIGHT" (no pun intended) decision as getting CW on board... :D


  15. [15] 
    Elizabeth Miller wrote:


    When Michale is right, he is really right! Just wanted to say that - the opportunity presents itself so rarely anymore, you know. :)

    And, if I may suggest ... the comment numbers are the biggest, boldest, brightest thing on the comments ... like they're trying to be the most important thing, or something.

    I guess I would just rather refer to everyones name - or, at least, everyone's username - when addressing a comment to them ... rather than using a number ... but, that's just me and I'll get used to them over time, I suppose ... if they get smaller ...

    Do you always twitter at the character limit? I don't know how you cope with that kind of restrictive environment and keep your sanity! Or, perhaps you post in multi-part tweets!? :)

  16. [16] 
    akadjian wrote:

    You got me, Chris. My first two thoughts were "Noooooo!" and "Finally!"

    I think the big clue for me was when you said DNC. Now that truly is funny!


  17. [17] 
    Michale wrote:

    When Michale is right, he is really right! Just wanted to say that - the opportunity presents itself so rarely anymore, you know. :)


    I think... :D

    I also agree with Liz that the numbers are a tad big..

    Still holding out for Avatars... :D

    Not the 10ft tall blue kind, though.. :D


  18. [18] 
    Hawk Owl wrote:

    Perfectly done . . . the tone is just right, the idea is just plausible enough, and the goal would be valuable enough to be yearned for form loyal Dems & and for loyal Dems.

  19. [19] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    So, maybe smaller numbers? That's an easy fix...

    I was thinking of maybe changing the color to brown, as well. What do you think?


  20. [20] 
    Herm71 wrote:

    @CW: Dude, I read your entire comment manifesto -- twice! -- and I have no idea what it is you're asking me? Something about the fact that I use Twitter and your tweet (I have no problem with the popular vernacular, works great for me) somehow should have alerted me to what day it was . . . or something. Yes, it is true that your tweets arrive to my phone via SMS. I will admit that your "My final column" headline gave me a bit of a pause when I read it on my phone. And it is true that by the time I made it to your site and read the first paragraph I'd pretty much realized what day it was.

    I actually just re-checked the txt and noticed the "not date" parenthetical. Didn't even register the first time.

  21. [21] 
    Elizabeth Miller wrote:


    Welcome aboard! I think you're gonna like it here.

    Might I suggest that you just check in here on at least a daily basis and forget you ever heard about Twitter. :)

  22. [22] 
    Elizabeth Miller wrote:


    What do you say we change the colour of the numbers so that they inconspicuously blend in with the background colour ... that is to say, to match the comment colour, cream or powder blue ... you know, so that the numbers can't be seen. :)

    I mean, who among us think numbers are necessary to keep the conversation flowing with this crowd. Unless the numbers are needed for some other reason, I think they should just go away.

  23. [23] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Herm71 -

    For everyone, as well -

    I couldn't resist poking fun at Herm71, since he's the guy who talked me into Twittering in the first place. I'm one of those Luddites who has be dragged, kicking and screaming into the future. He was actually the first follower on Twitter I ever had, so I thought I'd advertise my Twitterability in a long-winded rant to him. We've had an ongoing debate about the usefulness of Twitter for awhile now, so don't worry, I'm not singling him out in any way, we're buddies.

    The moral of the story: don't drink and type.




  24. [24] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    Liz -

    But... but... I worked so hard on them!


    Anyone else? Numbers? No numbers? Can't change it until the weekend, so let me know in the meantime.


  25. [25] 
    Michale wrote:

    I don't mind the numbers...

    Just smaller and more blended... :D

    "Yer blended all right.."
    -Commander William T Riker, STAR TREK: First Contact



  26. [26] 
    Elizabeth Miller wrote:

    I know, I know ... and I appreciate all of your hard work, Chris. I really do!

    And, I wasn't going to say anything at all ... but ... well, I have to tell it like it is. I learned that from you, you know. :)

  27. [27] 
    Elizabeth Miller wrote:


    I'll never refer to you as a number. Just wanted to be perfectly clear about that. :)

  28. [28] 
    Chris Weigant wrote:

    RE: [#26]

    (just couldn't resist that one)

    Oh no! Hoist on my own petard!

    I hate when that happens...



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