OK, since everyone's getting so frisky in the comments section here, I am going to try an extended experiment -- in letting the inmates take over the asylum (so to speak... ahem). No, that wasn't the humor referenced in the title -- that comes after this program note, in a hilarious bit of satire from C.W. Cunningham.
As I did last year at this time, I'm going to cut back on my blogging for the next month or so. The reason now is the same as the last time around: to be able to devote more time to a book proposal I am currently writing.
Sadly, last year at this point I was confident that I could complete my book proposal by the end of August. This year, I am hiding behind the old chestnut: "Well, I didn't say which August, now did I?" Sigh.
Yes, this project has taken much longer than I expected. But you'll be happy to hear that the end of the tunnel is actually now in sight. I am preparing a final draft of the sample chapters to send out to agents and publishers, and I am targeting the end of August to achieve this goal. August is a slow political news month anyway, commonly called the "Silly Season" of politics in America. Plus, I am going to have a ton of things to do to get ready for the upcoming Democratic National Convention. So, from this point on, I will only be posting here on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, likely right up to the convention itself (right after Labor Day).
Which leaves two days of the week free. Now, I can just re-run old columns here, or I could leave the site un-updated, but that's kind of boring. So I am going to throw the door open to my faithful commenters to sit in my metaphorical chair and fill in for me. You write a blog post, and if I like it, I will post it here. Got something original to say? Well then, have at it!
I will not be editing the submissions (other than perhaps for minor grammar and punctuation problems), and my acceptance criteria will not include which side of the aisle you're coming from, but rather whether your submission is well-written and not too long or too short. It will be up to you how the work is credited: with your real name, or with the login name you use here (either way is fine with me, this will be completely up to you).
If this experiment crashes and burns, then I will stop taking submissions. If I am so snowed under by numerous submissions, then I may stop taking them as well (remember: this idea is supposed to save me time). If you start to see column repeats, it is because I am not getting enough submissions. Nobody is guaranteed to be posted, and I can reject any submission for any reason under the sun. But rather than be all reactionary in the comments, I would encourage you to try driving the conversation itself. Here's a hint: humor always catches my eye.
We'll see how it goes. Contact me privately via email (use the Email Chris page, if you have never done so before) with any questions or submissions (DON'T use the comments to submit something, because that kind of misses the point).
With that out of the way, we have our first example of a guest columnist. Today's article is a satirical news release from our old friend C.W. Cunningham (whom everyone might remember from his days as "house cartoonist" here). It needs no real introduction, other than to point out you've got to read the date at the top, for this news report to make sense. Enjoy.
-- Chris Weigant
Dateline: January 8, 2014
President Romney today announced that Sri Lanka has won the bid to represent the American people in Congress, having narrowly edged out both India and China with a spate of well placed bribes in the final hours of the race.
President Romney explained that this will be the most responsive Congress in American history. The Sri Lankans have vowed to show up four days each week -- a 68% increase over the previous session -- and since they won't be given any vacation time, they will be poised to pass any and all bills as quickly as lobbyists can type them up.
In keeping with the president's vow of "More jobs for more millionaires," the outgoing legislators will be retained, freeing them up to devote all their time to fundraising -- a 2% increase over the previous session. In an expression of the President's focused managerial style, each ex-legislator will be given a monthly quota, and those who fail to meet their numbers will either be laid off, or given a post in the Cabinet. Democrats will naturally be given higher quotas since they are well connected with latte-drinking elites, and are more likely to have George Soros' phone number.
In related news, President Romney announced that Offshore Investments for Freedom (a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bain Capital) has once again won the bid to oversee the I.R.S. and the Congressional Budget Office. Though many have complained that these arms of the government have become less transparent and basically unaccountable since the Bain takeover, it's almost universally agreed that their reports are visually stunning, since they now use office products exclusively from Staples.
-- C.W. Cunningham
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