At the cost of untold millions of dollars, all the top generals and admirals in the United States military flew in from around the world to attend a meeting in Virginia today -- all so they could hear that there will henceforth be no more "fat generals" and that the military will be going to war against American cities. I wish that was some sort of bad joke, but sadly it is not.

Pete Hegseth apparently had the urge to give a macho-man talk to the top brass, which could easily have been done via videoconference or (as one defense official put it) "Could have been an email." But Hegseth wanted pageantry instead, so he demanded an in-person meeting. Hegseth didn't care that such a meeting is a security risk, since it brought together all the top commanders of the military in one place at an announced time. And he certainly didn't care about the cost to taxpayers of flying in all these officers (right before the government shuts down). He wanted to put on a show, and he was determined to do so no matter what.

Unfortunately for Hegseth, Donald Trump got wind of it and promptly invited himself. After all, nobody's allowed to upstage Trump when it comes to blatant political misuse of the military, right? So Hegseth's speech was overshadowed by Trump giving an even more dangerously inappropriate speech to the top brass. One former senior defense official reacted with disgust at the entire display:

It's a waste of time for a lot of people who emphatically had better things they could and should be doing. It's also an inexcusable strategic risk to concentrate so many leaders in the operational chain of command in the same publicly known time and place, to convey an inane message of little merit.

Hegseth spoke to the generals first, in front of a giant American flag (channelling his inner "Patton," obviously). He vaguely alluded to changing the "stupid rules of engagement" for soldiers, but gave no details as to what he meant by this. Then he went on to insult the troops in various ways:

It's hard to believe, given that his speech ran nearly an hour, but outside of suggestions along these lines [changing the rules of engagement], there might not have been a single new piece of information that was relayed to the hundreds of officers compelled to attend the meeting, the total cost of which will probably never be publicly disclosed.

Instead, Mr. Hegseth spoke at length about the urgent need for U.S. service members to maintain clean-shaven faces, conduct daily workouts and execute physical fitness tests twice a year.

"Unfortunately, we have had leaders who either refused to call BS and enforce standards or leaders who felt like they were not allowed to enforce standards," he said. "Both are unacceptable. And that's why today, at my direction, the era of unprofessional appearance is over. No more beardos. The era of rampant and ridiculous shaving profiles is done."

He described how he was fed up with "fat troops" and "fat generals and admirals." Equally important, he continued, was the elimination of political correctness and "woke garbage" within the ranks.

Here is some more of what Hegseth had to say on these important subjects:

Much of his address focused on the kinds of issues he would have dealt with as a young platoon leader in the 101st Airborne Division in Iraq or as a company commander in the Guard. He talked about grooming standards. "No more beards, long hair, superficial, individual expression," he told the brass. "We're going to cut our hair, shave, shave our beards and adhere to standards."

He preached the importance of physical fitness. "Frankly, it's tiring to look out at combat formations, or really any formation, and see fat troops," he said. "Likewise, it's completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon."

Hegseth also ripped into the military for being too woke (a favorite subject of his):

"This administration has done a great deal from day one to remove the social justice, politically correct and toxic ideological garbage that had infected our department," he said. "No more identity. No more dudes in dresses. No more climate change worship. No more division, distraction or gender delusions, no more debris; as I've said before and will say again, we are done with that shit."

So the secretary of Defense and the president spent millions of dollars to fly in 800 generals from all over the world to announce new grooming standards for soldiers. As I said, I really wish this were some sort of a joke, but sadly it is not. Here was another retired general's reaction:

"I couldn't be prouder of our highest-ranking leaders for maintaining an apolitical face under immense pressure," said retired Army Maj. General Paul D. Eaton, who served in the Iraq war.

He added, "Pete Hegseth spent millions to fly in all of our generals and admirals to rant about facial hair and brag about how many pull-ups he can do, and have Donald Trump sleepwalk through a list of partisan gripes."

But while Hegseth's macho posturing was supposed to be the main event (which would have been even more farcical -- flying in 800 generals just for a speech on grooming), Donald Trump had to upstage him with his own 70-plus-minute speech. As usual (for him) it was a campaign-style ramble of various lies, grudges, and insane ideas. Here was just one completely laughable idea, just as an example:

Trump said he is considering bringing back the use of battleships -- which were proven obsolete during the Falklands War in the 1980s, when British battleships were sunk from a considerable distance by cruise missiles. "I look at the [U.S.S.] Iowa out in California, and I look at different ships. The old pictures I used to watch. Victory at Sea. I love Victory at Sea," he said. "Some people would say, 'No, that's old technology.' I don't know. I like this old technology when you look at those guns. But it's something we're actually considering. The concept of battleship."

"The concept of battleship"? In the 21st century? Why not go back even further and revive the cavalry? There were plenty of great Hollywood movies and television shows with mounted soldiers riding to the rescue, after all, which seems to be the only yardstick Trump is using here.

But in and among the laughable off-the-cuff notions from Trump were some others that are downright dangerous. Because Trump sees the U.S. military as his private enforcer squad, and he let all the generals know that there's a new enemy they're going to be called upon to fight.

"It seems that the [U.S. cities] that are run by the radical left Democrats, what they've done to San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they're very unsafe places," the president told the generals and admirals at a military base in Virginia. "And we're going to straighten them out one by one, and this is going to be a major part for some of the people in this room."

"That's a war too," Mr. Trump said. "It's a war from within."

And, of course, Trump has a plan for what to do about this enemy:

"I signed an executive order to provide training for a quick reaction force that can help quell civil disturbances. So this is going to be a big thing for the people in this room, because it's the enemy from within, and we have to handle it before it gets out of control," he said. "We should view some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military."

This is truly what Trump thinks the best use of the American military is -- to quash political opposition by force. He's just itching for some protest to get violent so that he can use the Insurrection Act to institute martial law in American cities. Sending in the troops to cities that are peaceful is nothing short of provocation, in the hopes of sparking some sort of violent event that Trump will use as an excuse for an even more heavy-handed military takeover.

Think that's alarmist and far-fetched? I don't. Not after watching the president tell his top generals that there's a "war from within" in America, which has to be handled "before it gets out of control," by making American cities "training grounds for our military." It's the type of thing you'd expect from some tinpot dictator, really. And while most of the event today was no more than a ridiculous farce, the part where the president told the top brass to prepare for what essentially would be a civil war (or maybe just military occupation of cities run by politicians Trump doesn't like) is downright dangerous and frightening. Trump has already sent in National Guard and Marine troops to two American cities, and he is preparing to do so in many others. So no, I don't think it is alarmist to predict that he'll do exactly what he says he wants to do.

-- Chris Weigant

Follow Chris on Twitter: @ChrisWeigant